Monday, March 25, 2002


Well, a better day - there is that to be grateful for, even if I have got a ringing in my left ear which won't go away. And I think I've sorted a few things out in my mind- I know why I was so dissatisfied with everything last week, and that's a good thing. I think.

I said to Néa this morning that I was going to be less hard on myself, one of those things which just came out (just came out? It was in a text message...) before I realised that it was the truth. I passed a test of sorts at the weekend, and I do feel better for it, but I need to make more time for myself where I can do more than just surf, or chat. Hang on, all this should be under:

Depression Index:

Pretty good, really - but then I always feel good before I go training. But there are good signs - I know that I am dissatisfied with my life because I want to be a writer, and last week I managed to be convinced (thanks to all my good MC friends, who were so generous with their praise; and to Johan, husband of the aforementioned, who had less reason to be kind) that I might actually be any good. And if I am, so what? There are plenty of places, thanks to this interweb-thingy where prose may be posted for the amusement of myself and others; and if it is good enough, then maybe I can take it further. When I have time to devote to it, that is. But I will make time. I will....

Meanwhile we spent Saturday evening with our new neighbours, Ken and Rekha - and I enjoyed it thoroughly. It helped to have the kids around, and it helped to have free flowing beer (note to self: alcohol...), but I was not in my usual "don't mind me, I'm a depressive; I'll just sit over here and not get in anyone's way" mode; and yes I did have to try quite hard at first, but I've learned over the years that I've been aware of this that the only way to cope with these situations is to plunge in, and get on with it. Good to have confirmation that it works, though.

So, mostly it's up; and I will find time to write this week, I will, I will. More later. Unless I'm in MC chat, which is likely...

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